Give Them Room to "Feel"

Words. From an infant learning to talk, words dance like trickling water over a glistening brook. From a child's curious and questioning nature, they warm hearts and inspire fairy tales. As teens, words are imperative to challenge and question what was, with what is. By adulthood, we can manipulate words with more precision and thought, in which they become tools to acquire the actions or reactions we desire. We can mold sentences like clay and create art from letters on a page.



With years behind us of speaking words, listening to them, writing and following them, why is it that adults are still not very good at containing them? Instead, we sometimes scorch surrounding listeners like a fire breathing dragon. The answer is simple...because we "feel", and when we feel angry, our words come from that place that doesn't rationalize as well as we'd like it to...our heart.

Relevant question to self: Why are children not given their "growing and learning years" to acquire the skill of 'containing'? I see the irony. This explains why our generation of adults don't have it down. The old school way of parenting (be seen and not heard) kind of ruled that out. Although, still prevalent today, if a child starts to vent, the punishment process kicks in gear. I'm not talking, of course, to the parents who allow their children to "feel", I'm talking to the ones who don't.

I know that sounded harsh, but I'm guilty of it, too. I've stubbed my toe and barked out a few obscenities like a dog. Yet, when my children stomped around the house pouting because we had a last minute cancellation of plans to the movies, I sent them to their room with a raised voice and shaken finger.

Within their world of worries, children have it just as hard as we do. They may not have the agony of financial crisis or relationship chaos, but they're brains are also still growing (duh) and therefore everything they experience is coming at them like balls in a batting cage.

Here's the deal. I'm writing this for me. Well, to be honest, everything I write is subliminally for me...Anyway, I'm going to make it a goal starting today (it's 5:30 am right now), to really try to allow my children to "feel" more without making them feel bad. In other words, I'm going to implement once again the rule that my husband and I set regarding punishment that I keep forgetting about when my daughter's anger makes me want to lock her in her room for a week...

Give them the room to "feel" things and be angry, as long as they aren't directly taking it out on people, property, or themselves. Anger can be healthy, because it's a child's way of figuring out where that situation that angered them fits within that file cabinet in their mind, and they're in the process of filing it. If they don't file it, it keeps coming around on cleaning day. By the way, my daughter is very tidy, and I do love her for that.

It's a wonderful gift to give a child to allow them the opportunity to "feel" anything that comes to them, and as they grow they will figure out ways to cope with life easier through of the process of filing, instead of fear. And don't forget, if they see their 40 year old parent breathing fire when they lose their keys, they may have a little harder time learning.




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